Posts Tagged ‘Being A Daughter’

Posted on July 18, 2009 - by Jus

Knowing When To Say Goodbye

It will seem strange at first that this post is tagged with “being a wife” when I will primarily be talking about my relationship with my father… but stick with me.

Today I said goodbye to my father, forever.

He’s still alive and well, living in another state and I presume happily soaking up his Saturday with his wife and two young children (my half-siblings).  But to me, my father may as well have passed, because I will no longer have a relationship with him.

If I am honest, our relationship has been on life support for quite some time now.  For the better part of six years, I have done what I can to try to accept my father for who he is, his limitations as a parent and to neutralise the effect he has on me emotionally.

Part of that was giving him a very limited role in my wedding.  I wanted my son to give me away and as he hasn’t had much to do with my relationship with my partner, I asked my mother to make a speech at the reception.  I told him all of this and diplomatically explained the reasons behind my decisions in the months leading up to the wedding.  However, it was clear on the day that he had not explained this to his wife, who is very traditional, and remained sour-faced the entire ceremony.

My father gave me a great big hug after the ceremony, offered me some very nice words which brought tears to my eyes.  His wife was very cold and aloof.  When we entered the reception, we wanted to get the speeches out of the way, so we went straight into them.  Afterwards, I went looking for my father, but he was not there.  It was 7pm, just 4 short hours after my wedding ceremony had begun.  I was told he had left and the pain of knowing my father had chosen to leave my wedding day without saying goodbye was actually not as bad as you might think it sounds.  I put this down to the numbness that has developed in me when it comes to my father.

This was not the first time he had ‘deserted’ me.  But it will be the last.  His decision to leave was the sign that I needed to let my relationship with him go.  To let the father-daughter relationship that I have in my dreams go also.

So today I spent an hour with my kinesiologist.  We spent the hour ‘clearing’ my father – but really clearing the anger, hurt and saddness that I felt with respect to my decision to cut all ties with him.  In doing so, I have been able to say goodbye to him with love and peace in my heart and I feel so much more calm and centred because of this.

She asked me what symbol I could have to signify my saying goodbye to my father that would help me to move forward – I told her that I had a red key in my hand.  To my it signifies the shutting of the door on that part of my life, knowing that it is the key to opening other doors in my relationships.  Namely, my relationship with my husband.

So yes, this post is about improving myself as a wife.  Setting free all the baggage that I often lump my husband in with, which makes it hard to see him for who he is rather than someone who is “just like my father”.  It is my hope that over the coming months, I can see my relationship with my husband with fresh eyes and approach it as a strong, forward-looking woman, instead of a woman with a small hurt little girl inside of her.

To my father, I wish you well in your life and I hope you find happiness in whatever you do.  Thank you for everything you have taught me, both the things you consciously exposed me to and the lessons I learned from your misgivings – I would not be the person I am today without those lessons.  However, I feel that I have learned as much as I can from you and I must say goodbye to you now in order to continue my journey in life.  So I say goodbye to you in love and in peace… Love from your daughter, Justine.

Posted on June 30, 2009 - by Jus

Wise Advice from George Carlin

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete…

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ‘I love you’ to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.