Posts Tagged ‘Be Your Own Life Coach’

Posted on August 18, 2009 - by Jus

Disappointment

Today, I was delivered a piece of news that left me feeling exceptionally disappointed in myself.

In my ‘day job’ (the one that I do when I’m not studying to be a coach) I was applauded at the beginning of the year for securing work with a very large corporate brand for my company.  Today, that same client decided not to proceed with my company as the supplier on a job that we are half way through doing, because of actions and words from me that damaged the working relationship.

I am disappointed in myself that I can barely speak.  I am running through what happened in my head over and over again and in hindsight (which is always 20-20), I cannot believe I was so stupid as to have approached the situation in the way that I did.

I am not the type to take things personally when they are in fact not so… this is absolutely a problem that I created though, and I am responsible for it.  I actually think I may still be in shock – this has never happened to me in my career and I am trying to work out what I am to learn from this and how I can change so that I may never feel this sense of bitter disappointment in myself again.

At this point, I am not sure how this situation will change my thinking – but I knew that I needed to just write it out so that I can go into my coaching session with my peer coach tonight with some of the feelings I am having right now out, on paper, out of my head.

Posted on July 22, 2009 - by Jus

104| Trust vs Doubt

I did this class a long time ago, when I first started my course, but I thought it was worth detailing my reflections from this topic on my blog, because I really believe this topic is a key element how I will continue to succeed in growing my thinking.

Doubt is talked about in this topic in the context of the worry, or concern, or agony we cause ourselves when we sit in judgement.  My therapist often talked about this same thing, but she called it “the should disease” – that is to say that while we take the judgement that something should be a certain way, or that a certain situation can be good or bad – then we will create Doubt in our lives instead of Trust.

Let me put it another way… if I am of the opinion that my husband should react in a certain way when I get home from work in a bad mood, then I am creating a judgement that causes concern or hurt in me when he reacts in a different way, or a way that I perceive to be ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’.  That can then lead to even further judgements and wind up creating even further Doubt in me with regards to my relationship.

However, if I was to approach that same situation from the perspective of Trust, I may feel more empowered to act rather than wait for his reaction… I might come home in my bad mood, explain to him why I am feeling so rotten and ask him to fetch me a glass of wine while I take a bath and ‘wash away the day’… would my husband have any other reaction than to do ask I politely asked him?  Of course not!

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Posted on July 16, 2009 - by Jus

102 | Commitments and Action

So today’s class was part two of Commitment vs Trying.  What became clear to me is that I will be able to identify what my clients are commited to not by their words, but by their actions.  It is very easy for us all to say the ‘right’ thing… “I’m commited to spending more time with my kids” or “I’m commited to living a healthier lifestyle” – but if I am working ridiculous hours and I’m buying junk food every time I am at the store – am I really commited, or am I just trying?

The class today threw down the gauntlet – remove the word TRY from your vocabulary.  Wow, how powerful is that?  No more “I’ll try to do…” or “I’ll try to be…” – instead commit to the solution or the goal.  Say “I will be…” or “I am going to do…”

Ultimately we all have a choice in what we decide to commit ourselves to.  For me, I am commited to finishing my course by June 2010.  The next step is to support myself in that commitment, support myself in driving the action that is required for that commitment.  For me, that was creating a Google calendar that I can see all the class timetables at a glance in my own time zone.  It is diarising the dates and times that I think will work with my work & family schedule and making the time to do these, and being prepared for the classes also.

For other people, the support or structure required to honor a commitment might be:

Commitment : “I will exercise four times a week”
Problem : “I dislike exercise”
Opportunity : “I enjoy being around people”
Structure to support action in commitment?  Start a running group with friends so that exercise becomes a social activity.

Commitment : “I will spend more time with my kids”
Problem : “I am always so distracted, I find it hard to focus on my kids”
Opportunity : “My kids appreciate even the smallest amount on undivided one-on-one attention”
Structure to support action in commitment? Allocate 10 minutes per day in which I play a ‘game’ with my child, without any distractions.

Being commited and creating structures for yourself to honor that commitment is a very mindful way to approach life.  I really enjoyed the class today and I’m looking forward to the next one!

Posted on July 6, 2009 - by Jus

What Go You Here…

… Wont’ Get You There.

Or so says Marshall Goldsmith in his book of the same title.  I’m only a few chapters in to this book, but I am enjoying how direct and honest Marshall is with his writing about his work as an Executive Coach to hundreds of highly successful individuals.  Why do these successful individuals need a coach, you might ask?  These clients probably ask Marshall that exact question, for the first thing he does is unpack how he attempts to make a highly successful person see that they are indeed successful, in spite of some of their traits – not because of them.

It’s what I would call in my job a “circuit-breaker” – tapping into an area or motivator that makes an individual realise a reality that they had never previously considered… and in doing so, highlighting to them that they need to change.

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Posted on July 1, 2009 - by Jus

102 | Perspective

The second ‘chapter’ in my course, from the Foundation Coach subject, is all about Perspective.  It starts out by saying that the concept of perspective is so powerful and fundamental, that I could coach from this alone, without using any of the other coaching tecniques taught in the course and still be a powerful coach.

It almost sounds too good to be true, but then it is our perspective that determines our experiences in life, not our circumstances… so if you keep that in mind then it becomes pretty clear why perspective, or the reframing of it, can be such a powerful tool in life.

Some discussion questions were posed in this topic, that I have answered in below.

1. When have you experienced a change in your perspective?  What did it take for you to change your point of view?

In 2002, I fell pregnant with my son who is now six years old.  At the time, I was 24 years old and certainly hadn’t planned nor expected this to happen.  It was this ‘life changing event’ that saw me change my view on the world, my role in life and my priorities.  That is obviously a very drastic example, so another would be my approach to money management.

I spent most of my 20s with the view that consumer debt was okay so long as I had the means to pay it off.  But I have since come to reframe this perspective and realise this to be one of the reasons I’ve never been able to save or get ahead.  I’ve always worked in well paid jobs for years but had no savings to speak of, or any assets such as a house or lovely furniture etc.  It took me taking a pay-cut (for a new job in 2006) and the ensuing death-spiral of debt to make me adopt the perspective that it doesn’t make sense to spend what I don’t have.

2. How will helping your clients change their perspective make a difference in their lives?

Reframing perspective forces one to open their minds to other possibilities.  This would make a dramatic difference in anyone’s life as it enables them to overcome conceived barriers to achieving what they hope for in life.

3. What would be possible if you were a master at reframing your own perspective?

Well…. anything!  That’s the inherent difference that reframing perspective can achieve.

4. What else might you need to obtain complete happiness and fulfillment?

Action.  Just imaging the possibilities won’t achieve anything without taking the actions towards the new possibilities that a reframed perspective opens up to me.  Feeling like nothing can stand in my way… well that is a pretty powerful formula for happiness and fulfillment.

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