Growing My Thinking | Jus Growing

Archive for the ‘Growing My Thinking’ Category

Posted on September 1, 2009 - by Jus

Talking About Yourself

One of the first things I did with my coach was to create my “elevator speech” for my business. It was a really great exercise to do, and I loved the way she had a structure to guide me through that process.

I am learning more and more as each day goes on that to be successful in my coaching practice, I am going to need to sell a result, not the coaching itself. And furthermore, that if I can make that quicker, easier or automated by creating a structure, or a process, or an outline of some easily learned and transferrable skills, then I will enable myself to sell that result in a number of different formats, not just one-to-one coaching.

Which is why I was intrigued to listen to this radio interview with Matt Church recently as it gave me two things:

a) I should not limit myself in the way I talk about my new family and parent coaching business, particularly as it is my passion.

b) I should probably create two potential niches for myself in coaching/business, as I will be able to instantly capitalise on my years of business, marketing and advertising know-how in order to get some quick wins (and quick wins means getting out of the corporate world faster).

What am I talking about? Well Matt Church has a number of frameworks and matrix that he sells and shares with thought leaders to help them to become more successful. One of them is about how to position youself and it’s a matrix with nine options.

Nine? I hear you say. Yes, well because let’s face it, if the only time you ever talked about your business was in an elevator, we’d certainly all be spending a lot more time in elevators! Fact is, there are so many places and situations that I will find myself in where I will want to talk about my business – and not all of those situations will be created equal.

There will be opportunities to give a very ‘low-energy’ response as well as others when I can afford to give a much higher level of energy to my explanation.

But let me allow you to download the radio interview that explains it all much better than I can. Enjoy! (Right click and select “Save As”)

Matt Church Positioning Matrix

Posted on August 18, 2009 - by Jus

Disappointment

Today, I was delivered a piece of news that left me feeling exceptionally disappointed in myself.

In my ‘day job’ (the one that I do when I’m not studying to be a coach) I was applauded at the beginning of the year for securing work with a very large corporate brand for my company. Today, that same client decided not to proceed with my company as the supplier on a job that we are half way through doing, because of actions and words from me that damaged the working relationship.

I am disappointed in myself that I can barely speak. I am running through what happened in my head over and over again and in hindsight (which is always 20-20), I cannot believe I was so stupid as to have approached the situation in the way that I did.

I am not the type to take things personally when they are in fact not so… this is absolutely a problem that I created though, and I am responsible for it. I actually think I may still be in shock – this has never happened to me in my career and I am trying to work out what I am to learn from this and how I can change so that I may never feel this sense of bitter disappointment in myself again.

At this point, I am not sure how this situation will change my thinking – but I knew that I needed to just write it out so that I can go into my coaching session with my peer coach tonight with some of the feelings I am having right now out, on paper, out of my head.

Posted on August 14, 2009 - by Jus

Confidently Me

In a moment, I have part two of one of the most inspiring topics to date in my course. It’s centered on the issue of “confidence” as a coach and how crucial this is in being the very best coach one can be, and the impact confidence not only has on the coaching client, but on the coach’s business.

In writing my biography this week for my website, I started to really doubt myself and my ability to be ‘taken seriously’ by potential clients given what I perceived to be large holes in my experience or credentials. I found writing my biography really difficult, because the experience I have when it comes to parenting and children is not from formal training, it is from blood, sweat and tears… from doing it all on my own as a single parent for the past 6 years. Does that give me the right to work with parents in the capacity as a coach? ……

The confidence class cleared that right up for me. The very best thing that I can be for my clients is ME. The most confident and self-assured version of me. Because I do not plan on being all things to all people (or all parents, for that matter) but if I can stay authentic to myself and my passion, I will naturally attract people that can see the value in that.

She even made mention of a coach she knows who only coaches in the nude. With face to face clients too, not just on the phone! This is a man who is authentically himself and commited to his own unique style and he attracts clients that love that.

To help me to cement that, Angela Bird set us the task of describing how I can add value to people’s lives with my coaching business…. and by that she means the service my coaching business provides, not “me” per se. And to make that even more specific… what are four things that are uniquely me and ’special’ about my service?

So here is where I am at with that very helpful challenge:

My coaching business adds value to my clients’ lives by:

building confidence in their own parenting ability and style
equipping them with positive family structures to assist them to be the parent they have always wanted to be
providing them with the tools to achieve life/work/family balance and make room for themselves as a priority
enabling access to on-going parenting skill and perception development so they can remain proactive in their parenting

Four things that are uniquely me and ’special’ about this?

ONE | The program is founded on the belief that every parent intuitively has the answers to their own value-based approach to parenting. I will not be telling clients ‘what to do’, but helping them to build confidence in their own parenting intuition.

TWO | The program doesn’t rely on just me as a coach, it also provides way and means to connect with likeminded parents through workshops, teleseminars and group coaching.

THREE | My passion is to empower parents with a coach-approach to their lives and their families, that doesn’t necessarily require a early-childhood degree, or credentials as a ‘child expert’ – I just need to be the best coach I can be!

FOUR | The program taps into some of the best and most reputable knowledge of “parenting experts” as a platform from which my clients can build their skills and confidence as an intuitive parent. They get all that wrapped in the package of a passionate coach who is there to support, empower and inspire them to be their greatest version of themselves!!

Posted on July 30, 2009 - by Jus

Wow, so much reflection, so little time…

This week I managed to squeeze six classes and two trial coaching sessions (where I was the client) in to my normal work/family/life… *phew*. It took a lot of juggling, but it’s part of my goal to ’break the back’ of my coaching study, which will not only help me to stay motivated, but will get me a little bit closer to feeling comfortable enough to start to try to coach people…

But with that level of activity comes a whole lotta reflection. I feel like my mind has expanded two-fold this week alone… let me recap with:

THE TOP 5 THINGS THAT HAVE CHANGED MY THINKING THIS WEEK

ONE | during a class, another student made a comment that was completely changed my perspective on how to ask for, and give effective feedback… she said that she asks her clients “What do you want more of from me? What do you want less of from me?“ It’s so simple and yet so powerful to frame feedback in this way, rather than from a place of judgement such as what is ‘good’ or ‘bad’. I am going to use this feedback tactic in so many areas of my life.

TWO | someone, somewhere, somehow made the declaration that for a human to feel empty is a bad thing. If someone said to you “I’m feeling empty, talk to me” how would you respond? Would you try to fill them up with positive feedback and reasons not to feel empty? Or would you recognise that perhaps that person had just made room for something new in themselves and you had an amazing opportunity to talk about yourself with that person without fear of judgement? That, I guess, is a roundabout way of explaining that as a coach (or a friend, or wife, or mother, or colleague for that matter!) to master power listening I must approach a client with a sense of emptiness in myself. Clear myself of thoughts and feelings and opinions and make room for something new – my client’s perspective.

THREE | when there is silencein a conversation, how do you feel? Awkward? Uncomfortable? Like you need to fill the silence with speaking? I’d be interested in hearing if anyone knows of a culture in which silence is revered and cultivated (ok, so Buddhism is an obvious one that comes to mind) because I’d like to see if that culture’s reasons are similar to the reason I need to learn to be comfortable with silence as a coach… essentially if I can do this, I will be using a very powerful coaching technique, equivalent to the ability to ask powerful questions. You see, my clients will more than likely not be comfortable with silence, and so if I can create silence, they will more that likely feel the urge to fill that silence and in doing so will share more of themselves with me, perhaps some of what they may have held back otherwise.

FOUR | this week it became clear to me that the work I do in my current role is going to come in very handy as I work towards building my coaching model and process for my business. In my day job, I work with strategies for taking a given audience on a journey from indifference, to insight and into action. It’s a journey that is designed for marketing clients and therefore the actions are usually purchase, log on, subscribe, invest, etc. It will be this same strategic thinking and journey design that will help me to build my coaching model and a powerful tool for delivering results for my clients. That really excites me! While it’s not a complete change in my thinking, it’s a change in the way I can utilise existing thinking for my new pathway.

FIVE| also this week I had a few interceptions from the universe (one was actually an argument with my husband – a very productive one because…) that brought me to uncover and completely commit to my niche for my coaching business. In order to get there, I had to dig deep and ask myself the reasons why my previous niche thoughts just weren’t sitting right with me and then really give some thought to what I am passionate about and will derive emotional fulfillment from if I pursue it as a career. Where did I arrive? I plan on empowering instinctive parents to create positive family structures to raise happy, healthy and balanced kids. (Big thanks goes to my new peer coach for helping me with that elevator pitch!) Stay tuned for much more to come as I build the business and take it live.

So there you have it – a week of reflection and massive broadening of my thinking horizons. I’d love you to make a comment about what you experienced this week that changed your thinking…! Go on, don’t be shy.

Posted on July 22, 2009 - by Jus

104| Trust vs Doubt

I did this class a long time ago, when I first started my course, but I thought it was worth detailing my reflections from this topic on my blog, because I really believe this topic is a key element how I will continue to succeed in growing my thinking.

Doubt is talked about in this topic in the context of the worry, or concern, or agony we cause ourselves when we sit in judgement. My therapist often talked about this same thing, but she called it “the should disease” – that is to say that while we take the judgement that something should be a certain way, or that a certain situation can be good or bad – then we will create Doubt in our lives instead of Trust.

Let me put it another way… if I am of the opinion that my husband should react in a certain way when I get home from work in a bad mood, then I am creating a judgement that causes concern or hurt in me when he reacts in a different way, or a way that I perceive to be ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’. That can then lead to even further judgements and wind up creating even further Doubt in me with regards to my relationship.

However, if I was to approach that same situation from the perspective of Trust, I may feel more empowered to act rather than wait for his reaction… I might come home in my bad mood, explain to him why I am feeling so rotten and ask him to fetch me a glass of wine while I take a bath and ‘wash away the day’… would my husband have any other reaction than to do ask I politely asked him? Of course not!

(more…)

Posted on July 16, 2009 - by Jus

102 | Commitments and Action

So today’s class was part two of Commitment vs Trying. What became clear to me is that I will be able to identify what my clients are commited to not by their words, but by their actions. It is very easy for us all to say the ‘right’ thing… “I’m commited to spending more time with my kids” or “I’m commited to living a healthier lifestyle” – but if I am working ridiculous hours and I’m buying junk food every time I am at the store – am I really commited, or am I just trying?

The class today threw down the gauntlet – remove the word TRY from your vocabulary. Wow, how powerful is that? No more “I’ll try to do…” or “I’ll try to be…” – instead commit to the solution or the goal. Say “I will be…” or “I am going to do…”

Ultimately we all have a choice in what we decide to commit ourselves to. For me, I am commited to finishing my course by June 2010. The next step is to support myself in that commitment, support myself in driving the action that is required for that commitment. For me, that was creating a Google calendar that I can see all the class timetables at a glance in my own time zone. It is diarising the dates and times that I think will work with my work & family schedule and making the time to do these, and being prepared for the classes also.

For other people, the support or structure required to honor a commitment might be:

Commitment : “I will exercise four times a week”
Problem : “I dislike exercise”
Opportunity : “I enjoy being around people”
Structure to support action in commitment? Start a running group with friends so that exercise becomes a social activity.

Commitment : “I will spend more time with my kids”
Problem : “I am always so distracted, I find it hard to focus on my kids”
Opportunity : “My kids appreciate even the smallest amount on undivided one-on-one attention”
Structure to support action in commitment? Allocate 10 minutes per day in which I play a ‘game’ with my child, without any distractions.

Being commited and creating structures for yourself to honor that commitment is a very mindful way to approach life. I really enjoyed the class today and I’m looking forward to the next one!

Posted on July 15, 2009 - by Jus

A Dog’s Purpose (from a 6 year old)

This was sent to me via email and I just couldn’t resist sharing it as it’s such a great example of the philosophy behind Jus Growing and Asset Based Thinking.

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker ’s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ‘I know why.’

Startled, we all turned to him.. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, ‘People are born so that they can learn how to live a good Life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?’ The Six-year-old continued, ‘Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.’

So live like a dog:
Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass..
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you’re not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.
ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY day.

Posted on July 10, 2009 - by Jus

Be Curious With Conflict

The majority of people I know will do anything to avoid conflict. Conflict really comes with a such a bad wrap, it’s got negativity and a distinct lack of compromise stitched into the fabric of its definition. For the majority of the population, the word conflict equals bad.

So if Change The Way You See Everything is really going to stay true to its manifesto, it surely can see a way to making conflict equal good. This part of the book is called Getting A Charge Out Of Conflict.

Opposition for opposition’s sake is what gives conflict its bad reputation. I happen to not be one to shy away from conflict under most circumstances. I am usually the one raising an issue to open the dialogue for discussion, or pointing out that something is NQR. But this is where it gets tricky, because no matter how open-minded I try to remain when facing conflict, the outcome of the conflict is only as good as the Asset Based Thinking of the other person.