Posted on July 2, 2009 - by Jus

103 | Effective Feedback

The concept of using effective feedback as a coach is based on the principles of using compassion and truth to open up new opportunities for clients.  It’s somewhat related to Perspective, because effective feedback can create a kind of awareness that makes a difference to how one sees things.

To give you examples, I am going to answer the discussion questions for this topic:

What kind of feedback has made a difference for you?

I can think of three instances where some very effective feedback made an enormous difference to my life. 

1.  A previous boss once told me “we’d like you to show the clients more of the Justine we get to see here in the office”
He made this comment in reference to my tendency to ‘over-professionalise’ my manner with clients.  I knew this came from being placed in management positions from a very young age and a sense of insecurity about being seen as ‘out of my depth’ or ‘too young for the job’.  But ultimately I took his feedback on board, showed more of my quirky side and clients really warmed to it!

2.  A friend once told me that I am generous to a fault and that I take on too much.
I took that as meaning I am a walk over!  No seriously I could see what she meant – I needed to learn when and how to say ‘no’.  I have become a lot better at this and it’s made an enormous difference to my life.

3.  A therapist once told me that she had observed that I take on too much responsibility for the deterioration of my relationship with my father.
Which was true at the time.  This feedback helped me to reframe my perspective and see more clearly where he was at fault and not to automatically take the blame.  It was very nourishing for my soul to have this feedback!

What kind of feedback has left you disempowered?

“Feedback” that is dismissive or invalidating.  To be told “I don’t see what you’re so worked up about” can make me feel very tiny, misunderstood and hurt.  Similar types of “feedback” are comments like “I think you’re being ridiculous”, “no you’re wrong” and “why on earth would you think/say/do that?”.

What is the difference between feedback and criticism?

Feedback comes from an objective place, free of judgement and opinion.  It is based on observations and a level of empathy for the person’s thoughts, feelings and reactions.  It offers a different point of view which is heavily grounded, and communicated, in understanding.  It is neither positive, nor negative.

Criticism comes from a subjective place, it is riddled with judgements and opinions which are based on your own thoughts, feelings and reactions.  It may be a different point of view, but it displays no level of understanding or empathy for the other person.  As a result, the person receiving this “false feedback” will perceive it as negative.

What is the purpose of feedback in a coaching situation?

Feedback is designed as another form of reframing perspective.  In a coaching situation it plays a role in helping the client to see things differently through insights not previously discovered, opening their mind to other opportunities or expanding their vision.

Related Stories:

1. 102 | Perspective
2. Friendly Feedback