Archive for July 7th, 2009

Posted on July 7, 2009 - by Jus

Friendly Feedback

Part of my coaching course requires me to assess how I accept feedback when it’s given to me in order to understand the difference between effective feedback and criticism, and how powerful effective feedback can be.

Today I had the opportunity to do this without prompting or request.  One of my dearest friends in the world gave me feedback today.  It was with respect to some actions and words (from me) that had made her feel very uncomfortable… as to her mind, these actions and words were very inappropriate.

It was a great example of just how effective feedback can work positively and constructively in the face of what could be an awkward or relationship damaging conversation.  She was clear and to the point with what was upsetting her, without framing it as personal or a judgment – in fact she did say that she knew that it was her own judgements that had her deem my actions unacceptable.  In this way she gave me the benefit of the doubt (in being unaware that such actions/words would upset her) but clearly stated what her personal boundaries were and asked that I simply not do this again.

It was great feedback that I readily and humbly accepted, along with a profuse apology for upsetting her.  She was right, I was completely unaware of the impact of my actions on her, but felt no need to try to defend myself as I didn’t feel that I was being unjustly accused of being deliberately malicious.  I was grateful to have had these boundaries pointed out to me and I even felt that this feedback was a great testament to the strength of our friendship and ability to be honest with one another.

I learned a lot today about how to accept feedback, how to be a better friend to one of the most special people in the world to me and how powerful an effective feedback conversation can be.