Archive for July, 2009

Posted on July 30, 2009 - by Jus

Wow, so much reflection, so little time…

This week I managed to squeeze six classes and two trial coaching sessions (where I was the client) in to my normal work/family/life… *phew*.  It took a lot of juggling, but it’s part of my goal to ’break the back’ of my coaching study, which will not only help me to stay motivated, but will get me a little bit closer to feeling comfortable enough to start to try to coach people…

But with that level of activity comes a whole lotta reflection.  I feel like my mind has expanded two-fold this week alone…  let me recap with:

THE TOP 5 THINGS THAT HAVE CHANGED MY THINKING THIS WEEK

ONE | during a class, another student made a comment that was completely changed my perspective on how to ask for, and give effective feedback… she said that she asks her clients “What do you want more of from me?  What do you want less of from me?“  It’s so simple and yet so powerful to frame feedback in this way, rather than from a place of judgement such as what is ‘good’ or ‘bad’.  I am going to use this feedback tactic in so many areas of my life.

TWO | someone, somewhere, somehow made the declaration that for a human to feel empty is a bad thing.  If someone said to you “I’m feeling empty, talk to me” how would you respond?  Would you try to fill them up with positive feedback and reasons not to feel empty?  Or would you recognise that perhaps that person had just made room for something new in themselves and you had an amazing opportunity to talk about yourself with that person without fear of judgement?  That, I guess, is a roundabout way of explaining that as a coach (or a friend, or wife, or mother, or colleague for that matter!) to master power listening I must approach a client with a sense of emptiness in myself.  Clear myself of thoughts and feelings and opinions and make room for something new – my client’s perspective.

THREE | when there is silencein a conversation, how do you feel?  Awkward?  Uncomfortable?  Like you need to fill the silence with speaking?  I’d be interested in hearing if anyone knows of a culture in which silence is revered and cultivated (ok, so Buddhism is an obvious one that comes to mind) because I’d like to see if that culture’s reasons are similar to the reason I need to learn to be comfortable with silence as a coach… essentially if I can do this, I will be using a very powerful coaching technique, equivalent to the ability to ask powerful questions.  You see, my clients will more than likely not be comfortable with silence, and so if I can create silence, they will more that likely feel the urge to fill that silence and in doing so will share more of themselves with me, perhaps some of what they may have held back otherwise. 

FOUR | this week it became clear to me that the work I do in my current role is going to come in very handy as I work towards building my coaching model and process for my business.  In my day job, I work with strategies for taking a given audience on a journey from indifference, to insight and into action.  It’s a journey that is designed for marketing clients and therefore the actions are usually purchase, log on, subscribe, invest, etc.  It will be this same strategic thinking and journey design that will help me to build my coaching model and a powerful tool for delivering results for my clients.  That really excites me!  While it’s not a complete change in my thinking, it’s a change in the way I can utilise existing thinking for my new pathway.

FIVE| also this week I had a few interceptions from the universe (one was actually an argument with my husband – a very productive one because…) that brought me to uncover and completely commit to my niche for my coaching business.   In order to get there, I had to dig deep and ask myself the reasons why my previous niche thoughts just weren’t sitting right with me and then really give some thought to what I am passionate about and will derive emotional fulfillment from if I pursue it as a career.  Where did I arrive?  I plan on empowering instinctive parents to create positive family structures to raise happy, healthy and balanced kids.  (Big thanks goes to my new peer coach for helping me with that elevator pitch!)  Stay tuned for much more to come as I build the business and take it live.

So there you have it – a week of reflection and massive broadening of my thinking horizons.  I’d love you to make a comment about what you experienced this week that changed your thinking…!  Go on, don’t be shy.

Posted on July 30, 2009 - by Jus

Totally Inspired

As part of my course, I get to be a coaching client for another student (and a little further down the track, I get to also coach other students to practice and ‘learn on the job’)… it’s called Peer Coaching.

This week I set up a few ‘trial sessions’ with some of the students that had expressed an interest in being my peer coach and they were all really great.  However, tonight’s was really amazing.  Funny thing is, I think I knew in advance of even speaking to her that I would love working with her, the universe has a funny way of sending the right people into my life at just the right times and when I first got her email and looked through her website, I think I sorta just *knew*.

So my new peer coach that I will be working with over the coming 12 weeks is Lauren Fritsch and I am totally inspired by the prospect of working with such a talented, vibrant, articulate and personable coach.

Very grateful to the universe for sending Lauren my way.

Posted on July 27, 2009 - by Jus

108 | Idenitfying My Niche

I think I might have had a very exciting breakthrough over the weekend…

One of the key milestones in being able to get my plans to build my coaching business going is finding and defining my niche – that is to say, which particular group of people for whom I will tailor my coaching business, products and services.

I have been slightly uncomfortable with my obvious choice of niche – small business owners, professionals, managers and entrepreneurs – mainly because I feel like it wouldn’t be enough of a departure from my current profession to keep me challenged, motivated and learning.

Over the weekend, it dawned on me what my ‘calling’ would be in terms of a niche for my coaching business… what I am deeply passionate about, what I am intrigued and interested by, what will continually challenge me to think differently…

I’m going to work with parents and families with children.  *grins*

I was a single parent from the moment my darling son was born and as I only got married just before his sixth birthday, I certainly had my fair share of experiences in parenting in difficult situations.  I think every parent learns an awful lot from their children, some more than others, and many parents reach out to peers and professionals for guidance in how to be the best parent they can possibly be.

It’s these people that I want to work with – to help them to define their goals as parents and put in place the action plans, structures and knowledge they need to achieve these goals.

I already know what my first steps in building this will be and I am so looking forward to developing my business over the coming three months with the assistance of my chosen peer coach to keep me on track!  So three cheers for finding my niche!!

Posted on July 26, 2009 - by Jus

I [Heart] Contemporary Weddings

I just love this new generation of weddings that seem to be growing in numbers all over the world – the kind that throw tradition to the wind and treat this special day as it should be – a very unique expression of two people’s love for each other.

My husband and I crafted our wedding exactly as we each wanted it – we debunked so many traditions and wrote our own ceremony and vows. We got married under a gorgeous old oak tree, despite my mother-in-law’s preference for church weddings and had a stand-up cocktail reception so that everyone could mingle and dance together. Next to zero formalities and a choreographed wedding dance to a tune that spoke clearly to the dynamics of our relationship – “You’re The Boss” by Brian Setzer featuring Gwen Stefani. 

So as you can imagine, I was tickled pink today with the latest incarnation of ‘bringing some self-expression’ to a wedding:

Posted on July 23, 2009 - by Jus

Meatless Monday

As a Buddhist, one of the hardest things I have had to come to terms with to be true to my faith is vegetarianism.  I’ll admit, I’m not a great vegetarian – I live with a husband who adores his meat and a son who has periods of vegetarianism, but then I see him craving it and I’m not prepared to deny him what his body is crying out for.

So we have meat once or twice a week at most.  My son also has ham on his sandwiches and my husband often goes out with mates for a steak, but at home, we are 80% vegetarian.  So it should be pretty easy for us to be Meatless every Monday, but I wanted to share it and encourage you to pledge to join Meatless Monday.  Why?  Obama explains… (yes, President Obama):

Posted on July 22, 2009 - by Jus

104| Trust vs Doubt

I did this class a long time ago, when I first started my course, but I thought it was worth detailing my reflections from this topic on my blog, because I really believe this topic is a key element how I will continue to succeed in growing my thinking.

Doubt is talked about in this topic in the context of the worry, or concern, or agony we cause ourselves when we sit in judgement.  My therapist often talked about this same thing, but she called it “the should disease” – that is to say that while we take the judgement that something should be a certain way, or that a certain situation can be good or bad – then we will create Doubt in our lives instead of Trust.

Let me put it another way… if I am of the opinion that my husband should react in a certain way when I get home from work in a bad mood, then I am creating a judgement that causes concern or hurt in me when he reacts in a different way, or a way that I perceive to be ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’.  That can then lead to even further judgements and wind up creating even further Doubt in me with regards to my relationship.

However, if I was to approach that same situation from the perspective of Trust, I may feel more empowered to act rather than wait for his reaction… I might come home in my bad mood, explain to him why I am feeling so rotten and ask him to fetch me a glass of wine while I take a bath and ‘wash away the day’… would my husband have any other reaction than to do ask I politely asked him?  Of course not!

(more…)

Posted on July 21, 2009 - by Jus

104 | Goal Setting

I thought my class about Goal Setting was going to be pretty straight forward, probably because I’ve never really found that I have any problems in setting goals for myself, or my determination to achieve them.  However it was a really great class, mostly due to my new favourite ICA Trainer – Michael Moniz.  This guy has such an incredible energy and such a brilliant way about him, he brings a lightness to his Life Coaching when it can be so very easy to get all heavy when it comes to exploring issues of goal setting or barriers to achieving these goals.

So why was my goal setting class so great?  Well I learned a few things… specifically:

a) how to work with someone whose goal is to work out their goals…!
b) how to spot an overachiever, a goal-setting master who may not be as masterful at moving into action towards those goals… and how to have that conversation with them.
c) how to work with someone that is incredibly lost and apathetic about everything
d) how to help a client create goals that are aligned to their personal values, and how this inspires and motivates them more.

One of the things I loved about Michael was the way he explained his method of deflecting that loaded question “what do you think I should do?” or “what would you do in this situation?”… because a life coach’s role is not to offer advice, or even situational guidance or their personal opinion, a great life coach will help the client to arrive at their own conclusion.

We’ve all grown up with the SMART rule of setting goals, but recently I undertook an exercise as part of a magazine I read regularly called Empower.  In their goal setting tool, they explore this method of goal setting:

spEcific	Write specifically what it is you want to achieve by a specific date.
Meaningful	How will you feel once you have achieved your goal? Make it powerful.
insPiring	Why do you want this goal? What is the motivating factor that will help you get what you want?
pOsitive	Write your goal in terms of what you DO want instead of what you DON’T want.
oWn it!	Your goal needs to be about you, not about changing someone else.
prEsent	Write your goal as if you have already achieved it (eg. ‘I weigh 64kg’ instead of, ‘I will weigh 64kg’).
Realistic	Ensure your goal is realistic in the timeframe chosen.

I found this to be really helpful (in addition to SMART of course) because what it builds for you is a goal that might look something like this:

It is the 31st of October 2009 and I feel so proud.  I am vegetarian and attending the gym twice a week.  I am seeing at least one friend socially once per week.  I have completed a quarter of my life coaching course. I feel inspired and healthy.  Because when I am happier in myself, I am happier in my relationship.

Isn’t that powerful?  And empowering!!

So for my Goal Setting reflection exercise, here are my answers:

Think about a goal that you have set for yourself in the past.  Did you achieve your goal or not?

I have set so many goals in my time, this is hard to answer.  Usually when I set my mind to something, I achieve it – it’s all in the commitment vs trying thing – if I am commited, I absolutely achieve it 100% of the time.   My 101 List is an example of my willingness to set goals and perserverence to achieve them.

In light of the points we looked at in the course, why do you think you had this outcome?

The process I have of setting goals for myself, identifying what needs to be done to achieve it, monitoring any obstacles that may present themselves and celebrating my achievements is fairly innate in my character – but seeing them all written down as a structured “goal setting and achieving” process made me realise that this is also exactly why I have had so many successes in my life and, as my mother would say, always landed on my feet.

How can you keep your goals foremost in the front of your mind?

For me it is all about writing them down and diarising tasks or appointments as stepping stones to help me achieve them.  Simple as that!

Posted on July 20, 2009 - by Jus

107 | Power Listening

You’ve heard of active listening, well my course goes one step further.  As a coach, an even more refined skill level in listening is required : Power Listening.  It’s got all the elements of active listening – listening attentively, paraphrasing to acknowledge you’ve heard, checking perceptions to demonstrate that feelings are also being heard – and adding a few extra powerful elements.

Waiting – the act of waiting approximately 10 seconds before replying to what has just been said allows the other person the space to finish their thoughts and feelings.

Asking for more – asking careful questions to ensure the other person has completely explored their thoughts and feelings.

Responding rather than consoling – listening as a coach is about listening objectively and responding in a consoling manner can actually hinder the client in expressing their thoughts and feelings in full.  So instead, the focus is on small acknowledgements that they are being heard to encourage more sharing.

Being empathetic and non-judgemental – the ground rule is “it is not your job to point out to someone what you think he or she may be missing.”  Judgements can impair listening.

Moving to action – because power listening isn’t about just letting someone rant and vent, it’s about helping them to understanding how these thoughts and feelings can help them to move forward.

Using intuition – listening from the heart and using more than just your ears to listen… now that is power listening!

So my reflection questions from this class were…

What are five things that a coach needs to listen for with a client?

Listening to a) what they are saying, b) what they are feeling (emotions), c) what their perceptions are, d) for the link or applications to their current goals and e) for what is not said but is just as important!

Which of the listening strategies in this unit do you actively apply and which would you like more practice with?

I definitely need more work on the WAIT (Why Am I Talking?) principle, particularly in my relationship with my husband!  I also need more practice with listening without judgement.

I do think I can actively listen when I apply myself and I try not to interrupt and ask questions to help the person explore what they are thinking and feeling further.

What is the difference between ‘rambling and venting’ and genuinely unpacking an issue?

I think that when a person is rambling or venting, they are ‘releasing steam’ as opposed to being really mindful and considering everything they are saying.  To be mindful means that the person talking is learning from their own words as much as the listener is as talking things through can often lead the client to devise their own conclusions or solutions.