Archive for June 28th, 2009

Posted on June 28, 2009 - by Jus

The First Year of Marriage

No one tells you how hard the first year of your marriage is going to be.

Well, at least they don’t tell you until after you’d said ‘I do’.  I’ve only been married four months (today, in fact) and they have been a challenge enough, so if what everyone is saying is true – these next 8 months are going to be one heck of a ride!  Or perhaps, in true Jus Growing form, I have jammed 12 months worth of learning, growing and challenge into a neat four month shaped package. 

In the spirit of what I hope Jus Growing will become, I won’t go into the details of the past four months, instead I will share with you what I have learned in a simple “Top 5″ bullet point list.  I hope it can be of assistance to others as they take their first tender steps down the aisle.

Top 5 Things I’ve Learned In Four Months Of Marriage:

1.  Jerry McGuire’s infamous ‘you complete me’ is not only massively misleading, it’s also potentially misleading a large population of romantics out there.  I have learned that no one ‘completes’ me, I am responsible for my own happiness and in order to love the person I am in the relationship, I have to love the person that I am outside of the relationship first.

2.  I am a strong woman, fiercely independent and intelligent… and I also often do and say things that make my husband feel emasculated.  I have learned to stop being so quick to ‘answer’ – for if I am always giving him ‘the [my] answer’ and making the decision for him, why should I be surprised when he appears to stop thinking on his own?

3.  Feeling supported in my marriage has very little to do with how the housework is shared, and everything to do with the way my husband responds to me when I am in a bad mood, am stressed or preoccupied. 

4.  Taking time for myself is crucial, no essentialy, no mandatory.  I work full time, am about to recommence study, am mother to a 6 year old and run a household in all my ’spare’ time.  One weekend away without any distractions is all it took to set me back on track.  I will aim to do this once every six months from now on.

5.  John Gottman is probably the wisest man alive when it comes to relationships.